


Letters to Myself

by EstaJay



Series: A second chance to do things again [2]
Category: Dear Evan Hansen - Pasek & Paul/Levenson
Genre: Age Regression/De-Aging, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, More tags to be added as they become relevant, Post-Canon, Theatre Kid!Connor, eventual crossover with bmc, from Connor's POV, maybe? - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-10-25
Updated: 2017-10-31
Packaged: 2019-01-22 19:03:23
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 9
Words: 6,235
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12488712
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/EstaJay/pseuds/EstaJay
Summary: Connor Hansen's letters to himself over the years.(AU where Evan raises a deaged Connor in secret as his own son)





	1. Age 7, The Printer

**Author's Note:**

> Studying for exams? The other AU fics I haven't finished? Who cares! New fanfic go!

Dear Connor Hansen,

Hi! How are you? Okay? Of course okay, maybe even better than okay! I would know because I’m you and you’re me! 

I’m writing this letter because I found Daddy’s letters to himself. Daddy said he wrote those letters whenever he was feeling sad and I’m feeling sad right now. 

~~...So I guess I’m not so okay.  ~~

~~ It’s just that I’m feeling stupid ~~

~~ I feel like I’m messing everything up ~~

Today at school everyone had to draw a picture of their family: parents, grandparents, brothers and sisters, uncles and aunts and cousins, pets too. I drew me and Daddy and Mommy and Mr Oak who lives on our front yard. He’s a tree but he counts as family too! Then everyone had to talk about their picture. So kids had really big pictures with lots and lots of people but there were also people who had small pictures like me with also them and their mommy and daddy. Then lots of people started laughing at this one girl ~~I forgot her name~~ At this one girl who had two daddies but three grandmas. They were mean and she was crying. They said she was lying because you can only have one daddy and two grandmas.  ~~ I really wanted to punch those mean people ~~ So for my turn I said how Mommy was also Daddy’s Mommy so she was also my grandma but I called her Mommy. Ms. Alexi got angry at me and told me to sit in the corner even though I didn’t do anything but those other kids were laughing at that girl and her family. Ms. Alexi started yelling and then I started yelling and then I kicked the printer table and it fell on Ms. Alexi’s toe. 

I got sent to the principal’s office and they had to call Daddy from work which is bad because Daddy has to work hard  ~~ and now I’m causing him so much trouble and  ~~

~~ I heard lots of yelling from the principal’s office, something about ‘in sea’. I’ve never heard Daddy yell before.  ~~

I went home with Daddy and then we had a picnic with Mommy in Connor’s Orchard. I really like going there because it’s named after me! There are lots of trees there too. Lots of them that are bigger than Mr. Oak. Daddy knows a lot about trees like how if you cut a tree down and count the rings inside then you know how old the tree is and that trees breathe in all the bad air people breathe out and turn it into good air when they breathe it out. We had fun but Daddy and Mommy looked so tired. 

~~ Daddy was crying again when they thought I was asleep. Daddy’s been crying a lot now. ~~

~~ It's all my fault. ~~

Is it bad to have more than one daddy or mommy? Or to just have a daddy or just have a mommy? Daddy grew up with only Mommy and no daddy and I don’t have a ‘real’ mommy who carried me in her tummy so that’s why Daddy’s Mommy said it was okay that I could call her Mommy too. I should call Mommy grandma but I like calling her Mommy better. 

I don’t know how to finish this letter so: Why did the chicken cross the road?

I don’t know, you have to ask the chicken!

It was really fun writing to you, or writing to me, and I want to do it again sometime. 

Sincerely,

Your bestest and closest friend,

Me  


	2. Age 7, The Haircut

Dear Connor Hansen,

Is it bad for a boy to have long hair? 

Those mean kids, the ones that laughed and made fun of Joy, the girl with two dads, keep making fun of me because my hair was longer than theirs. It’s not even that long! It was just at my chin not like some girls who have hair that reaches their backs. They call me a girl. I call them assholes but Ms. Alexi only kept  _ me  _ in for recess and had me writing lines! And I only called them that once and there are three of them and only one of me  and Ms. Alexi is so unfair! 

Those kids have names: Eric the leader, Will the glasses kid and Morris the big one, but from now on they will forever be dubbed the Assholes. Ms. Alexi is also an asshole because she always takes their side but Daddy said it’s bad to call teacher’s assholes no matter how mean they are.  ~~ She’s still an asshole though. ~~

Then Joy put gum in my hair. I thought it was one of the Assholes so I swung around and punched her in the nose then she was bleeding and crying and I got sent to the principal’s office again. I didn’t mean to hurt her! But there was lots of blood and she wouldn’t stop crying and  ~~ Daddy had to come to the office to pick me up and so did Joy’s daddies and there was lots of yelling ~~

Daddy and Joy’s daddies came to pick us up. I wasn’t allowed to go to school for the rest of the week. 

I had to go the get a haircut the next day because there was a lot, as in giant a lot, of gum in my hair. It didn’t feel like much but Mommy said I had get a haircut but I didn’t want to! I like my hair because it’s brown like chocolate and curly and fun to play with but I got a haircut. I didn’t like how the lady kept squirting water in my hair and how my ears feel really cold now because the lady chopped nearly all of it off but I sat still because maybe the Assholes won’t make fun of me anymore and I won’t keep getting into trouble and making Mommy and Daddy sad. I got a haircut and the lady said I was a good boy for sitting still and gave me a lollipop.  ~~ If only she knew how much trouble I keep getting into and how much I make Mommy and Daddy cry and ~~

Mommy and Daddy wanted to get ice cream afterwards but I said I had a tummy ache and wanted to go home. I went straight to my room and went to bed even though the sun was still up and normally Daddy would read tree books and pirate stories before sleeping but I’ve been a bad boy.  ~~ Bad boys aren’t supposed to get ice cream or have fun reading time with their daddies or get extra hugs from their mommies or ~~

~~ I wanted to write a letter then too but bad boys don’t get to write letters.  ~~

When I got back to school, things were weird but a good kind of weird. 

The Assholes didn’t bother me and I gave the lollipop to Joy to say sorry but she actually said sorry to me! She said that she thought my hair was cool but didn’t like the Assholes making fun of me so she put gum in my hair so I would cut it like in this tv show she watches. It’s a cartoon but it’s from Japan so she calls in ‘Annie-May’. We talked all recess and all of lunchtime and even after school before Daddy picked me up about all sorts of things. She really liked hearing about trees and chicken-jokes and I really liked hearing about ‘Annie-May’ and ‘Magma’ which is like ‘Annie-May’ but for comics. 

The funny thing is we didn’t tell each other our names until Daddy arrived. She likes being called Joy but her full name is Josephine. I think it’s a good name for her because joy means happy and being around her makes me happy. Joy used to sometimes call me Con but today she asked if she could call me Looker as a nickname. I said okay but when I asked why she just giggled and started a game of tag. I think it’s because she’s a girl and girls are weird. 

Also, I think Joy’s my friend.

And also here’s a joke that Joy really liked:

Why did the chicken cross the road?

So it wouldn’t be Kentucky fried!

Sincerely, 

Your closest but not only friend anymore,

Me


	3. Age 7, The First Encounter

Dear Connor Hansen,

I know what I want to be when I grow up!

Mommy’s a paralegal and used to be a nurse and Daddy’s a work-at-home accountant but growing up to work in an office all day is boring. When I grow up I’m going to be in theatre!

The high school next door invites lots of primary schools over to see the first part of their musical before the actual shows and our school got to go today! Ms Alexi didn’t want be to go ~~because she’s a bitch~~ but Ms Martin from the other grade 2 class said I could. I wish Ms Martin was my teacher instead of Ms Alexi, she’s a lot more nicer.

The musical they were performing was called ‘Little Shop of Horrors’ and it. Was. So. COOL! I didn’t think that anyone could actually sing that good in real life, that people just used computer magic to make them sound better, but the lady playing Audrey was so good at singing. And all the other people who weren’t main characters, the ‘on-som-bell’, were so much fun and there were so many of them sometimes like HOW CAN YOU FIT ALL THOSE PEOPLE ON STAGE. The dentist guy (forgot his name) was a big asshole but he was acting so I think that’s okay, when he wasn’t acting he was a really nice guy which must have been really hard for him. I have a new respect for people who can act like assholes but aren’t really assholes ~~not like the Assholes who really are assholes~~. Also the Seymour reminded me a bit of Daddy sometimes, how he’s always nervous ~~and gets pushed around a lot~~ but is trying his best to get Audrey to like him, Audrey should have just been with Seymour instead of with the asshole dentist. ~~But I don’t know if it’s a good thing or bad thing that Seymour fed the dentist to Audrey Two~~

And sorry Daddy but man-eating plants are cooler than trees! Yes Audrey Two was an evil and eats people but the puppet looked so cool and the guy playing Audrey Two sounded so awesome inside! (I had to remind Joy that it was just made up but not real but she doesn’t believe me. I hope she doesn’t get any nightmares) Also Audrey Two exist in real-life too! It’s called a fly trap and it eats flies instead of people and is part of a type of plants called carnivorous plants and there’s so much about them on the internet! There’s also a plant that’s called rafflesia that’s not a carnivorous but smells like rotting meat to attract flies for pollination which is so cool! Maybe Seymour should have gotten a rafflesia to keep Audrey Two company and maybe make it less hungry.

I definitely want to got to Middleborough High when I grow up. I want to be in the school musical and it doesn’t have to be centre stage or anything but even in the background or in the band or doing sound and lighting or makeup and costumes or set changing. I want to be a part of that and I would be happy doing that for the rest of my life.

~~I also want to take dancing lessons but those are expensive and Daddy hasn’t even finished college yet because of me and~~

~~I can do math. Daddy was really young when I was born. Did he even finish school?~~

Why did the chicken cross the road?

To wish the performers chookas!

Sincerely,

Your ambitious and dreaming friend,

Me

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And here I start projecting onto fictional characters. The high school next to my primary school did the same thing and that was how I got into musical theater and became dead set on going there. High school is also a bit different down under with it going from grades 7-12 so please excuse any future mistakes where I forget middle school is a thing in the US.


	4. Age 7, Daddy's Friends

Dear Connor Hansen, 

Today I realised that Daddy doesn’t have that many friends. Like I always knew that Daddy didn’t like talking with other people and sometimes talking with people becomes too much for him and he needs time to calm down and sometimes he’ll just keep crying and crying  ~~ and sometimes he thinks that me and Mommy hate him.  ~~ But me and Mommy understand that Daddy’s sick and that’s just part of who he is and we’ll always love Daddy no matter what. But not everyone gets that. 

The lady at McDonald’s kept giving Daddy mean looks when he had trouble deciding which made Daddy even more scared and the people behind us were ~~being~~ ~~ bastards  ~~ really rude and then some big kids were being really really mean when we went to sit down and eat ~~and~~ ~~ why can’t those fucking bastards understand that he’s sick and even if he wasn’t that does give them the right to be giant assholes about it ~~

Daddy needs lots of hugs and breathing counting and time to just cry without anyone judging him. Is that so hard to understand?

I think that’s why Daddy works from home  ~~ besides me always getting in trouble at school.  ~~ He doesn’t have to deal with people who don’t understand him or try to hurt him when me or Mommy can’t be there to protect him. I like Daddy’s boss for letting him work from home. 

It’s sad though that Daddy can’t really talk with people. The nice lady that he has to pick up and drop off papers with would be a really good friend for him but Daddy thinks she hates him because he’s always stuttering. The guy who owns the all-day everything (and I mean they have EVERYTHING) store never gets mad at Daddy when he takes too long to buy stuff or pay for gas, he looks big and scary but I think he would be a good friend for Daddy too. I think there should be more people like them who understand then Daddy won’t be so sad and lonely all the time. He’ll have friends who understand instead of friends who just don’t.

Daddy doesn’t have many friends but what friends he does have don’t really understand. There’s the long email friend who sends Daddy lots of emails that he always feels nervous when replying to them and then there’s Zoe who he always scrolls to on his phone and never calls  ~~and I think she might be my mom~~   and there’s Connor who Daddy named me after but never talks about and always looks sad when he thinks about the other Connor and then there’s Uncle Jared. 

Daddy said he and Uncle Jared have been friends since forever but they don’t act like it. Daddy always looks scared around Uncle Jared, especially if I’m in the same room and Uncle Jared keeps looking at Daddy like he did something wrong. Mommy said that Daddy and Uncle Jared had a fight a long time ago and they still haven’t said sorry to each other.  ~~It probably has something to do with me, I’m sure of it.~~ It’s sad because Uncle Jared kind of understands Daddy but not all the time because sometimes he’ll make the wrong kind of joke or make Daddy talk to too many people  ~~ and I want to punch him every time he does that and acts like an idiot around Daddy. ~~

Uncle Jared is really fun to be around though. He knows so many cool computer tricks and I really good at making jokes when he’s not making the wrong ones. It’s also really funny when he tries to eat those bubbly bath ball rocks then drinks a lot of water then his mouth is  full of bubbles and he becomes the soap monster! He doesn’t have any kids but he says he has ‘niblings’, which are his sister’s kids that he looks after sometimes. Maybe I could meet them one day then we can be ‘family friends’ like Daddy and Uncle Jared are. 

Maybe I can ask Uncle Jared for help to make Daddy some more friends. He’s really good at talking with people so maybe he could make them understand then they could be Daddy’s friends.  ~~ I would do it but no one listens to a little kid.  ~~

Why did the computer cross the road?

Because it was programmed by the chicken!

Sincerely,

Your friend trying to make Daddy friends,

Me  

P.S. I think that Uncle Jared might really really like like Daddy but I don't think that Daddy likes him back the same way.


	5. Age 8, Community Theatre

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've never been to an actual community theatre so it's going to mostly be based off of stuff in school drama class, drama club, musical rehearsal etc. (and also why did my school finally start a drama club and get a drama teacher that isn't away every other week the YEAR THAT I GRADUATE?!)

Dear Connor Hansen,

Uncle Jared is officially the best. He’s not just insanely cool but super awesome because he found a COMMUNITY THEATRE! It’s not that far from home so I can walk there and it’s free  ~~ so I don’t have to bother Mommy and Daddy with paying for stuff or dropping me off.  ~~

Today was my first day there and Joy came with me too which was great so I won’t be alone there  ~~but I don’t want her to be forced to do anything or make it look like that she has to follow me everywhere or else I’ll end up punching somebody like she has to do at school.~~ It was kind of like a drama class sort of thing where there was a teacher-like lady called Ms. Jones, who is definitely a thousand times better that Ms  ~~ Bitchy  ~~ Alexi from last year, and we did lots of fun games like one where you walk around the room at a certain speed pretending that you’re doing something and one called ‘space jump’ where everyone’s in a circle with a scene in the middle and every time Ms Jones says ‘SPACE JUMP!’ then another person enters and the scene changes which was really funny when everyone was in a centre pretending we were clowns in a zombie apocalypse!

But then she split us into random groups with all the girls together and all the boys together which sucked because me and Joy couldn’t be in the same group. The other boys in my group were Nathan, Darcy and Jared (yeah, like Uncle Jared they’re not related and this Jared has a twin brother named Kain who looks nothing like him) and they were all already friends since they went to the same primary school  ~~which meant I was intruding on their friendship and I’m pretty sure they would have wanted to have anyone else in their group besides the new weird kid who has hair that looks like instant noodles.~~ They were really nice to me. I hope that we could be friends. 

The groups we were in were the groups we would be working in for the next couple of weeks (if everyone in the group kept showing up) and that each of us would be working on a full song from a musical which was AWESOME. The other boys said I could pick the song from the list and I raced to the front to get there first but I didn’t know any of the songs (I don’t know much about musicals outside of ‘Little Shop’) so I picked one called ‘Candystore’ from ‘Heathers’ which sounded really fun. Then lots of the kids were staring at me especially Nathan, Darcy and other-Jared. Someone almost laughed but Ms Jones stopped them (which DEFINITELY makes her better than Ms. Alexi) and asked if I was sure and if I wanted to change it I said I wanted to keep the song before she could finish talking. 

I wished I changed it. 

Ms Jones played all the songs and ‘Candystore’ was a girl’s song like everyone there was a girl. I thought that was okay until so guy started laughing saying that my group will have to talk funny and wear skirts and then everyone else was laughing and Ms Jones couldn’t stop them and Nathan, Darcy and other-Jared weren’t saying anything and Joy looked really sad and  ~~ I messed everything up for everyone because I chose the wrong damn song and now my group mates are going to hate me and not want to ever be my friends which means I’ll just be a giant burden on Joy and ~~

And everyone went home after that. Ms Jones had a talk with some of the parents but dragged Mommy away before Ms Jones could speak with her.  ~~ I already messed things up enough. ~~

Uncle Jared’s still the best for finding the community theatre. Mommy and Daddy are great for letting me go. Joy’s still an amazing friend for coming with me. ~~ And I just fuck everything up for everyone.  ~~

Why did the chicken cross the road?

Because all the other chickens were being hen-ously dramatic. 

Sincerely,

Your dramatic friend,

Me.


	6. Age 8, Gardening

Dear Connor Hansen,

Today I was gardening with Mommy and Daddy! We can’t really but anything on the front yard because that’s Mr Oak place and he doesn’t like sharing but there’s space in the backyard. It isn’t that big and there’s not much soil but Uncle Jared gave us a bunch of pots that we could plant plants in and Daddy’s says if there no room on the ground we can hang some pots from the ceiling which would be super cool!

We couldn’t plant any trees in the backyard because it would grow too big like Mr Oak and might even spread into our neighbour’s yard and Daddy’s scared that they’ll get mad at us for planting a tree in our backyard or that it might break the fence or something. That’s okay though because then Mr Oak will get jealous and there’s lots of trees in the Connor’s Orchard and I think they might get jealous too. I also didn’t want to plant any flowers because you see flowers everywhere and our backyard has to be super cool and flowers are pretty but most are boring. But we got some orchid bulbs because Mommy likes them and Daddy says they’re like bandits because there are thousands of different types of orchids around the world but each type can only live in a specific place and have really sneaky methods of growing like tricking fungi around it to help it grow from a bulb because it doesn’t have any plant food inside it like other seeds. That makes them cool enough to be in garden. ~~Am I a kind of orchid?~~

Since we have orchids we also had to have fungi and other stuff to help the orchids grow which is good because there’s already a mushroom patch in our backyard that can take care of the orchids as they grow up. Daddy said the mushrooms have always been there, even back when he was my age! He said that they’re not safe to eat though but that’s okay. Daddy also said that plants have a special way of talking to one another so maybe if I can learn to speak plant, the mushrooms can tell me all about what Daddy was like when he was younger.

Mommy then planted this green spiky plant called ‘aloe vera’. It’s tiny and lives in a pot in the middle of the yard but Mommy said it would grow big really fast. She also said that when it’s grown up we could use its leaves for stuff like lotion and drinks which earns it a spot in the super cool garden.

ALSO WE HAVE A FLY TRAP IN OUR SUPER COOL GARDEN! It lives in a special pot and we have to take really good care of it even though it likes soil that’s not as nutritious as the other plants. I named in Evan Two after Daddy because the aloe vera is Heidi Two after Mommy and I’m already a Connor Two after Daddy’s friend Connor and Connor Three would be a stupid name for a fly trap. I’m going to take super good care of Evan Two and make sure it eats enough flies so that it can grow big and strong and live for a very long time. I’ll also make sure Evan Two doesn’t eat any blood so it doesn’t think that people are tastier than flies like Audrey Two did or any hamburgers because people meat is bad for fly traps.

It’s dark now but I can see the garden from my window. It’s not much right now but with time and patience it’ll grow into something super amazing! I’ll show it to Joy one day since she’s my ~~only~~ best friend. She doesn’t like going out but she likes plants so I hope she’ll like the super cool garden.

~~Tomorrow is community theatre again and I don't know if I really want to go if I really don't want to go~~

Joke time!

Why did the chicken cross the road?

To get the chick peas on the other side.

Sincerely,

Your closest gardening friend,

Me   


	7. Age 8, Community Theatre pt 2

Dear Connor Hansen,

I wish I didn’t have to go to normal school and just go to community theatre. Everyone is nicer there and understands when things go wrong instead of just laughing at you and even if they do laugh at you they apologise and say they’re sorry unlike in normal school where kids like the Assholes can just keep on laughing and laughing and no one will stop them. 

I didn’t want to go back at first but Joy actually came to my house with one of her daddies an hour before it started and she said that she’ll be there with me and even pretend to be a boy to be in the same group as me if my group mates end up really mean. Also Joy’s daddy talked with my daddy and I think he gets Daddy. When me and Joy were spying on them (shh! It’s a secret okay?), Daddy was nervous like normal and I had to rescue him at one point with some water but Joy’s daddy understands. Not quite ‘understands’ like me and Mommy but understands like Uncle Jared and looks like he wants to understand more  not like Uncle Jared sometimes.  I think that Joy’s daddy could be great friends with my Daddy, we all know he needs more friends. 

Joy’s daddy drops us off at community theatre and the mean kids from last time came up and apologised and said that it was cool that my group was going to do something really different. I still kind of don’t like them but they are a million times better than the Assholes who never say sorry. 

Also Nathan, Darcy and other-Jared aren’t mad that we’re doing a girl’s song. They were super excited and said that we’re going to beat all the other groups with how awesome our song will be. Darcy’s older sister showed him the full musical and he said that we should have matching names like the Heathers except not Heather because that’s a type of flower and not a proper name. So now we’re all the Michaels because Michael’s a really cool name. If my name wasn’t Connor, I would like to be a Michael. Maybe I can ask Daddy later if I can make Michael my middle name since I don’t have one yet. 

Ms Jones also let everyone pick out their costumes even though we haven’t even started learning the songs yet. We originally thought about wearing matching jackets instead of skirts but then we found so skirts and...WHY ARE GIRLS ONLY ALLOWED TO WEAR THESE?! Like both boys and girls can wear pants but only girls get to wear skirts? That’s really unfair. Like skirts are comfy and nice to wear when it’s hot and they don’t get all bunchy between your legs like shorts do and they have so many more cool patterns than shorts. Everyone else in the group agreed with me too. No one was laughing at us this time and Joy said that I looked really good in a skirt. (Though Nathan looks terrible in yellow and we couldn’t convince him to change even after we all tackled him)

And do you remember the guy who played Seymour in the high school musical last year? He goes to this community theatre too! His name is Dylan and he’s our group’s ‘mentor’, which means he’s going to help us learn to sing and dance and perform the song. He’s super friendly and even introduced us to some of the other big kids at the theatre even though I couldn’t remember all their names. He was also very patient when teaching us and made sure no one got left behind like for the dancing part he kept going over the steps because I couldn’t get it even if everyone else already got it and didn’t get mad or with singing when Darcy had trouble finding his note he would make sure he’s got it before going on with the song. I want to grow up to be like Dylan and be a great singer, dancer and actor and also help younger kids be even better singers, dancers and actors.

I still don’t know all the dance but other-Jared said that he’ll help me when we’ve got free time. He’s the best dancer in are group because he takes dancing lessons and he even said that he’ll teach me some tap dancing later. Nathan’s the tallest in of the group and he knows a tons of different jokes. One day we have to have a contest on who can come up with the best chicken joke. Darcy is also pretty funny, though not as funny as Nathan, and knows his way around the theatre like the back of his hand since he always came with his sister even before he actually joined. They also really like Joy and aren’t mean to her when she sat with us for snacks not like some of the kids at school (other than the Assholes). I think that they’re my friends now.

Why did the chicken cross the road?

Because it was all part of the script!

Sincerely,

Your really happy and excited friend,

Me


	8. Age 8, The Mission

Dear Connor Hansen,

I have a theory. My theory is that everyone has different emotion capacities from a sadness capacity to a anger to capacity to a ~~“how many fucks to give”~~ tolerance capacity and especially a happiness capacity. The higher your capacity, the stronger you feel the emotion. 

Daddy has a very high worried capacity and a nervous capacity and a ‘what did Connor do this time’ capacity (and yes that’s a real thing which most teachers have a shitty low capacity for) but a very low one for happiness. Daddy has as too many wrinkles and always looks tired. It makes things less awkward when introducing Daddy and Mommy as Daddy and Mommy because most people think that Daddy looks old enough to be Mommy’s husband and not her son, ~~I know it’s this and not that Mommy looks really young because old people forget that I have ears~~ but Daddy shouldn’t look so old. He’s not even thirty yet and he looks just as old as Darcy’s dad who’s almost fifty!

So today I’m going to start my research on how to make Daddy more happy. Wish me luck. 

This is serious business so the chicken will have to stay on that side of the road for now.

Sincerely,

Your closest friend,

Me

* * *

Things that might make Daddy more happy:

Trees

The Orchard

Chocolate

Flowers

Instrumental Music

Friends

Uncle Jared

* * *

 

Available Operatives:

Agent Rooster (Me!)

Agent Pizza (Mommy)

Agent Jumpy (Joy)

Agent Tiny (Darcy)

Agent Glasses (other-Jared)

Agent Spike (Nathan)

* * *

Dear Connor Hansen,

The list has been created. The Operatives have been assembled.

Operation: ‘Increase Daddy’s happiness capacity’ Initiated. 

Sincerely, 

Me


	9. Age 8, The Mission pt 2

Mission 1: Trees

Operatives - Agent Rooster (Connor) 

Procedure - Plant more trees in the front yard

Result -

“Those are just sticks.”

“No they’re not! They’re baby trees! Saplings!”

“They’re sticks!”

“Saplings!”

“Sticks!”

“Saplings!”

“STICKS!”   
“SAPLINGS!”

“Then why do dogs keep taking them? Look, there goes one now!”

“...”

“...”

“...Screw you, Joy.”

FAILURE (Sticks are different from Saplings)

* * *

 

Mission 2: The Orchard

Operatives - Agent Rooster, Agent Pizza (Mommy)

Procedure - Take the target to Connor’s Orchard everyday

Result -

“Connor, dear, we can’t go today. It’s not good weather for an orchard day.”

“The weather’s fine!”

“It’s raining Connor, we could get sick.”

“It’s just a little water. We’ll be fine, right Daddy?”

“Well...it should be okay I guess...it’s not raining that hard…”

-The next day-

“Yes, this is Heidi Hansen, Connor’s grandmother...yes, he won’t be at school today...no, he didn’t get into a fight, just a cold...he and his father went out in the rain, stubborn boys…”

FAILURE (The rain is an asshole)

* * *

 

Mission 3: Chocolate

Operatives - Agent Rooster, Agent Jumpy (Joy), Agent Tiny (Darcy), Agent Glasses (Other-Jared), Agent Spike (Nathan)

Procedure - Gather a box full of chocolates from being good to Ms Jones to give to the target

Result -

“Yes! Another one for the box!”

“...but where have you been keeping the box?”

“Just left them outside for a bit, should be fine and...they’re all...”

“...”

“...”

“...”

“You still owe me those trading cards, y’know.”

“I KNOW!”

FAILURE (The sun is an asshole)

* * *

 

Mission 4: Flowers

Operatives - Agent Rooster, Agent Jumpy

Procedure - Pick flowers to make a bouquet

Result -

“Oi! What’re you brats doing?!”

“Run! Run! Run!”

FAILURE (Gardeners are assholes)

* * *

 

Mission 5: Instrumental Music

Operatives: Agent Rooster

Procedure - Play the target’s favourite music all the time 

Result - 

“I know you have a jazz kink as big as your tree kink but if I hear ‘Irlandaise’ ONE MORE DAMN FUCKING TIME-”

“Jared! Language!”

“What’s a kink, daddy?”

FAILURE (Uncle Jared’s cool but he’s also an asshole)

* * *

 

Mission 6 - Friends

Operatives - Agent Rooster, Agent Pizza, Agent Jumpy, Agent Tiny, Agent Glasses, Agent Spike

Procedure - Invite everyone and their family one at a time so Daddy can make friends with them. Must be one at a time.

Result -

“Why are you guys all here now?!”

“For the party.”

“What party?!”

“You invited everyone to your house, right? So that’s a party!”

“It’s your daddy’s birthday, right?”

"You weren't all supposed to come at the same time!"

“Connor who’s at the - WHY ARE THERE SO MANY PEOPLE?!”

“HAPPY BIRTHDAY MR HANSEN!”

“W-what?”

“It’s party time!”

“Oh god, Acorn, it’s Connie’s first kegger!”

“Stop laughing Jared!”

FAILURE (Other operatives must follow ALL instructions!)

* * *

 

Mission 7: Uncle Jared

Operatives - Agent Rooster

Procedure - Make sure Uncle Jared never ever leaves so he could always be with the target

Result - 

“Connie, I love you too but can you please let go of Uncle Jared’s leg?”

“No! You’re staying here forever!”

“Love the sentiment, brat, but how are you going to make me?”

\--

“...Jared, why are you in my closet?”

“You are raising a future kidnapper, Ev. A KIDNAPPER!”

“...Maybe I’ll just leave you here…”

“Wait! Don’t leave! Untie me!”

FAILURE (Uncle Jared is more asshole than cool) ~~~~

* * *

 

Mission 8: ???

Operatives - Agent Rooster, Agent Pizza, Agent Jumpy

Procedure - all of the above???? (except not too many people. Target does not cope well with too many people)

“...did you plan this Ev?”

“I thought you were behind this Jared…”

“A picnic...in the orchard...in a field of flowers - and look a box of chocolates too!”

“Then who…?”

“I think your brat is trying to tell us something.”

“Eh?”

“We’re close -”

“But not that way!”

“But how about we try it that way?”

SUCCESS? 

* * *

Dear Connor Hansen,

Operation: 'Increase Daddy's happiness capacity' has been successful!

Daddy's still really stressed and nervous a lot of the time but he's smiling more and laughing too! Daddy didn't used to laugh all that often but now with Uncle Jared around more he's been laughing more. Uncle Jared's also has gotten better at understanding Daddy, he's getting better at not saying the wrong things or making the wrong jokes that make Daddy cry.

Joy said that Daddy and Uncle Jared are looking at each other like her daddies look at each other. So does that mean Uncle Jared's going to become my daddy too? That's going to get confusing. 

There's also been lots of bumping noises coming from Daddy's room. Mommy said it's the happiness-stealing monsters and that Daddy and Uncle Jared are fighting them to keep everyone safe. I don't think that Daddy and Uncle Jared would be that good at fighting because Uncle Jared gets tired really easy (like he could only pull weeds for only an hour before getting tired) and then Daddy will have to protect him but he can't fight and protect Uncle Jared at the same time. Daddy's still really happy the next morning but still very tired. Maybe he was sad before because happiness stealing monsters were attacking him and no one was helping? ~~Aren't I useless. I'm just next to Daddy's room but I never tried to help him fight~~ When I grow up, I'll help them fight the happiness-stealing monsters. The more people the better, right?

Not much more this time because it's already dark and Daddy and Uncle Jared have started fighting the monsters.  ~~I don't need to bother them when I'm too weak to fight. That's why Daddy's never told me before.~~

But what about the chicken?! Does he get to cross the road?

Yup! And he made it to the other side because there are no cars to dodge at nighttime.

Sincerely,

Your sleepy friend,

Me

 


End file.
